“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!” (Psalm 141:3, ESV)
As I passed a lady in the grocery store aisle, I overheard a snippet of her phone conversation. “Now I’m going to tell you this, but please don’t share it . . .” I turned the corner about that time, so I never learned whatever juicy bit of gossip she knew. I also wondered how quickly her friend would pass it on.
(Now to be clear, most of us do not gossip. We share “interesting information” from time to time. Or perhaps very detailed “prayer requests.” But gossip? Oh, no!)
A friend recently found herself in an uncomfortable situation while having coffee with two ladies from her church. What she thought would be a pleasant time of fellowship soon shifted as the other two began to gossip about mutual friends. While I’m sure neither lady would ever allow profanity or other coarse talk to come out of her mouth, they thought nothing of making spiteful and cutting remarks about others. Needless to say, my friend doesn’t plan any more coffee meetups with them.
When you hear someone gossiping and tearing down another person’s character, do you wonder what they say about you when you are not present? You realize that if they gossip about others, they will gossip about you. You no longer trust them.
GOSSIP HURTS
Gossip isn’t innocent chit-chat. It is toxic and may cause irreparable harm.
- Gossip harms—or may even completely end—relationships.
- Gossip destroys trust between friends, family, or coworkers.
- Gossip destroys unity and respect.
- Gossip tarnishes our Christian witness.
- Gossip damages our integrity.
Do we really want to involve ourselves in something so harmful?
Ephesians 4:29 tells us, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (ESV). Is the conversation appropriate? Does it build up and encourage? Does it give grace to the listener? If not, perhaps it’s time for you to redirect the conversation. Change the subject or, if necessary, step away entirely.
HOW TO RESPOND
What if you are caught in a situation like my friend? How do you respond? To politely redirect the conversation, you might say something like this:
- “I wasn’t there so I’d rather not comment. I may not know the full story.”
- “I’m uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation.”
- “It might be best to talk to (person’s name). If there are rumors that might hurt their reputation, I’m sure they would appreciate the chance to clarify things.”
- “I think it would be wise to check further. That just doesn’t sound like the person I know.”
Another alternative is to just keep quiet and step away. Do not allow them the chance to misquote you later. Proverbs 11:12 advises, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent” (ESV).
Philippians 4:8 is an often-quoted verse about our thought life, but I think it also applies to the things we speak out loud.
“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think [or speak] on these things.”
MY PRAYER: Lord, guard my lips and help me to always speak what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of a good report. Help me to choose words that build up, strengthen, and encourage others, not words that tear down and destroy. As a child of God, I want to represent You well wherever I go and in all situations.
Devotion by Mary Loudermilk
