“They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company, and Barnabas took Mark with him and sailed off to Cyprus.” (Acts 15:39, CSB)
Conflict is painful. Whether it’s within the family, on the job, or in the church, it hurts.
Acts 15 relates a painful time in the friendship and ministry of Paul and Barnabas. As they made plans to revisit some of the places where they had ministered on their earlier trip, they had what the Bible describes as a “sharp disagreement.” Their point of contention was whether John Mark, Barnabas’s cousin, should accompany them.
John Mark had traveled with them on their earlier missionary journey but returned home mid-trip (Acts 13:13). The Bible does not tell us what prompted his early departure, but Paul probably viewed him as a quitter. Now he is unwilling to include him on this second journey. Barnabas, always the encourager, insisted on including John Mark. The disagreement became so sharp that the two men went their separate ways. Paul took Silas with him while Barnabas and John Mark sailed toward Cyprus.
Scripture does not tell us if one was right and the other wrong. It remains silent on that. Is it possible that each man was so strong in his opinion because each examined the situation from a different point of view?
- Paul, remembering John Mark’s early departure from their previous trip, may have wondered if he could endure any hardships they might face this time. Or would he abandon them again when difficulties happened?
- Barnabas, viewing it through a different lens, may have seen a young man who would benefit and mature with mentoring and encouragement. He saw potential, not past failure. And he was willing to invest his time to see that happen.
Could it be that each point of view held some merit? Perhaps their decision to head in different directions was a good compromise. Again, while the Bible is silent on the details, we do know that at some point there was reconciliation. In II Timothy 4:11 Paul writes that John Mark was “profitable to me for the ministry.”
HANDLING DISAGREEMENTS
When disagreements arise, and they undoubtably will, how should we respond? What steps can we take to resolve the conflict in a way that helps preserve the relationship?
Respond with love. John 13:37 tells us, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (ESV). Our differences should never destroy our love.
Respond with humility. I Peter 5:5 reminds us to “Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another” (ESV).
Respond with respect. Romans 12:10 says we are to “Outdo one another in showing honor” (ESV). Never belittle someone, even if you disagree with their point of view.
Respond with grace and understanding. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (ESV). Be careful with your words.
MAKING IT PERSONAL
When disagreements and misunderstandings happen, here are a few questions we can ask ourselves to get a clearer view of the situation.
- Are there underlying issues I’m not seeing or understanding?
- Am I willing to take the initiative in finding a peaceful solution?
- Have I followed Matthew 18:15 and kept the matter between just the two of us?
- Have I prayed for godly wisdom in handling this situation?
- Are my actions about winning an argument or preserving a relationship?
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.”
(I Peter 3:8, ESV)
Devotion by Mary Loudermilk
