“And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” (Mark 11:25, ESV)
Have you ever observed a parent intervening in a childish squabble? It may have started with a push, a hit, or just angry words. With a stern voice, the parent admonishes, “Say you’re sorry.” Reluctantly, half-heartedly, a mumbled word comes out. “Sorry.” The other child mumbles a quick, and also half-hearted, “Okay.”
“I’m sorry. Forgive me.” Those words are so difficult to squeeze out for adults and children. It is often just as difficult to respond with a sincere, “I forgive you.”
None of us goes through life without having been on both sides of the situation. Sometimes we are the one offended; other times we are the offender. If not handled correctly, wrongs often alter relationships, sometimes forever. That’s why forgiveness is so important. While often difficult, it is necessary. Forgiving others allows us to receive God’s forgiveness.
Matthew 6:14 tells us, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you” (ESV). The parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:23-35 also stresses the need to extend mercy to receive mercy.
STEPS TO FORGIVENESS
The Bible provides guidelines that will help us deal with offenses, even if the other person never acknowledges the wrong.
Take the first step, even if you are the wronged party. From our human viewpoint, this seems backwards. Why should the innocent person reach out first? But in Matthew 5:23-24 the Lord instructs us to first reconcile with our brother before bringing our offering to the altar. Some feuds have lasted for years, even generations. Although no one remembers what caused the original quarrel, no one will make the first move. How foolish.
Do not limit your willingness to forgive. We become impatient when a person repeatedly offends and hurts. Enough, we think! Peter once questioned, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” No doubt Peter thought this was a very generous amount. But the Lord replied, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.” That’s four hundred ninety times. (See Matthew 18:21-22.)
Do not seek revenge. “Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless . . .” (I Peter 3:9). As Isaac Friedman said, “The sweetest revenge is to forgive.”
Guard against bitterness. As a child, did you ever fall and skin a knee? Mom probably cautioned, “Don’t pick at that scab.” This is sound advice for emotional wounds as well. It is easy to keep hurts open and bleeding, but that allows infection—bitterness—to enter our spirit. Let the wound heal. (Read Hebrews 12:15.)
A WORD OF CAUTION
An unforgiving spirit will hinder our prayers. How can an unforgiving heart commune with the One who forgives unconditionally? We may not be aware that wrong attitudes have crept into our heart. That is why we must pray as David prayed. “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts” (Psalm 139:23).
Forgiveness does not mean we justify or overlook the wrong. It is our promise to not keep score and to follow the Lord’s example by choosing to forget. (Read Isaiah 43:25.)
Remember, forgiveness is not a feeling or an emotion. It is a conscious decision of our will. We find healing and freedom when we forgive.
Devotion by Mary Loudermilk
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