Worshipping Through Suffering

And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the donkey; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you. Genesis 22:5

The first time worship is mentioned in scripture was when Abraham was obediently following God’s command to offer his son, Isaac, on the altar.

Worship, in this instance, was the most difficult thing Abraham ever did. But, it proved that his trust and devotion to God surpassed everything this world had to offer, good or bad.

The Bible gives us other examples where people fell and worshipped God after tragedy ensued in their life. Job fell down and worshipped after he lost his wealth, and most devastatingly, his children. David ended his fast, and chose to worship God when he lost his first-born son.

God created us for worship. There is an instinctive yearning within us to worship something. But, worship is not only for when life is going well. Worship is also for when you don’t know how you’re going to survive another day. Worshipping God has saved me during my darkest hours of pain.

*Miscarriage*: Some days do not go as planned. 

January 24^th, 2020 was the due-date of our first, precious baby. Instead of holding a beautiful baby in my arms, I woke to an empty room and grief filling my heart. January 24^th is a difficult day to endure every year, because it is the day of what could have been. It is the day my baby was anticipated being born.

This is the story of my abounding love.  

Tangible excitement filled the room as my husband and I held hands. It was as though time slowed down as we awaited the two-minute timer to herald an anticipated result. Happy tears instantaneously flowed down both of our faces, in tandem, when we saw two well-defined lines on our pregnancy test. I will never forget how tightly Michael held me in his arms that day; the day he found out he was going to be a daddy. I can still feel that embrace. I choose to remember the first official prayer we spoke over our growing family and the first time Michael talked to the pin-sized baby forming in my womb.

My husband and I wanted to wait to tell our family and friends about the pregnancy until we had a sonogram. Well, I wanted to wait. Michael wanted to post it on Instagram as soon as the two-minute timer went off! To say he was overjoyed is an understatement.

The morning of my scheduled sonogram was the day I woke up bleeding. Devastation is not a severe enough word to describe my heartache. Eight weeks of happy memories were pillaged by fear. We spent nine long hours at the hospital as multiple nurses and doctors prodded me. No one gave us a definite answer of what was happening; even though I could see the results by how they looked at me.

Michael kept a steady supply of tissues in my hands, that day at the hospital, as I cried a lifetime of tears. He kissed my forehead, held my hand, and became my voice when I was too weary to speak. He was a prince of a man that day. He did not complain, he did not shame me, and he did not show his grief; he was simply there for me—every moment. Unwavering. Steadfast. Constant. I knew he was grieving; he was so excited to be a dad. There are no words for the grief I felt on his behalf.

If you’ve suffered a miscarriage or the death of a child, I am so sorry for your loss and I honor their life today. They are not forgotten. They hold a special place in this world. And, they are loved beyond measure. Your loss is real and your love is fierce.

What To Do With Broken Dreams

During my miscarriage, do you know where I was two days later? I was at church leading worship. I’m not saying I was super spiritual, I’m saying that I was desperate to be in the presence of God, even though I was in one of the darkest seasons of my life.

After my daddy passed away after a long battle with dementia this year, I was, yet again, in a dark valley of grief. I am still walking that road of loss, but when I feel so lonely and sad, I turn to God and He gives me strength and peace to endure.

Hebrews 3:15 says, “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.”

Our worship and praise will cost us something. There will be times when you do not feel like raising your hands to worship, rather you want to raise your fist in protest. There will be times when you want to run away from the presence of God, instead of running into His arms. But, true worship will cost us something.

I don’t know the battle, the loss, the hurt, or the betrayal you are facing today. I may not know the anxiety or depression that is trying to take hold of you. I may not know every situation that you’ve been through in your life. But, what I do know, is that you need to draw close to God in your darkest hour.

I have been so tired and broken that I lacked the strength to pray. I didn’t have the energy to speak words. But, I did not cry my tears in vain, I cried out to the Lord and He heard me. He carried me through my storms and I know He will do it again. You may feel forsaken, but you’re not. You are loved beyond measure. You are His precious child. You are His beloved.

Arise, and worship Him today and you will receive strength in your suffering. Lift your eyes to the hills to where your help will come from (Psalm 121:1), your help comes from the Lord. He will meet you where you are, I promise.