“I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, By the roes, and by the hinds of the field, That ye stir not up, nor awake my love, Till he please.” (Song of Solomon 2:7, KJV)
As a child, I dreamed of being married; I would imagine how my wedding would look. I often heard stories of how my mother met my father and hoped to meet my prince charming one day. However, it didn’t happen the way I was hoping it would, I was facing my thirtieth birthday, and all I could see were young ladies announcing their engagement or marriage. I was heartbroken because I wanted to be married. I was discouraged and thought I would never meet the one I was supposed to marry.
Waiting for Boaz: Learning to Enjoy the Single Years
I asked God where my prince was and why is he so late! Little did I know, God was waiting on me to get my act together and not focus so much on finding a man to make me happy. God wanted me to be complete in Him. I didn’t see at the time that I had already found my prince; His name is Jesus. Jesus is everything I was looking for and praying for; He is kind, loving, and caring. I was too foolish to see it; I wanted a real flesh and blood prince, not Jesus.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:”
(Ecclesiastes 3:1, KJV)
The more I focused on finding Mr. Right, the more I grew disappointed; why was God having me wait? The reason why God wanted me to wait was to focus on Him. While I focused on God, He worked to bring the one He had for me into my life. Sadly, I didn’t see it that way, I let the preconceived notion of romance cloud my thinking, and I didn’t see the point in waiting. I didn’t want to wait on God’s timing.
“They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”
(Isaiah 40:31, KJV)
What makes you feel complete?
Unequally Yoked Together
I didn’t understand, but I gradually accepted God’s will for my life at the time. However, I almost missed meeting my husband when I became friends with a man in my church. When I was twenty-eight years old, I met a man who was new to our small church. He took a liking to me right away, and we became friends. I thought he was a believer because he came to church and acted like a Christian. He seemed to want God in his life, but I later learned it was all an act. I knew something was wrong. I felt like God was warning me about this man; I never got a good feeling when I was with him. Unfortunately, I ignored that feeling and continued our friendship, despite the warning from the Holy Ghost.
He told me all the things I wanted to hear; I was beautiful, smart, and funny, and he showed me the attention I longed for, but he wanted more of me physically, which I was unwilling to give.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
(II Corinthians 6:14, KJV)
Thankfully, God had people in my life who saw this guy as nothing but trouble without good intentions. My older sister advised me to leave the relationship. It was hard. I was not in love with him because I asked God to guard my heart so that I wouldn’t love him, but I developed an emotional attachment to him. I believed the enemy’s lies, telling me he was the only one who would ever care for me when God loved and cared for me. I repented and asked God to forgive me, and I promised to wait on God for the husband, that He would bring in His time.
“Wait on the Lord: Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.”
(Psalm 27:14, KJV)
Do you have good, godly people in your life to whom you are accountable? They are often God’s messengers to steer you in the right direction.
Years went by, and still, I was waiting patiently, but something beautiful happened; I met the man I would marry. His name is Mathew; he is godly, kind, and sweet, and he loves God as much as I do. He was everything I prayed for and more. From a human perspective, we met by accident, but I believe it was God unfolding a beautiful love story. God wanted to be my first love before He brought the husband I was waiting for into my life.
“Delight thyself also in the LORD; And he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.”
(Psalm 37:4, KJV)
Do you believe that God’s providence is at work to bring about His plans for your life? Will you surrender to that plan regardless of who or what it brings into your life?
Lessons from My Single Life
It can be hard being a single adult woman. You watch happy couples getting married, yet you feel like you will never find happiness, but that’s a lie from the enemy. God is giving us this time to give all of ourselves to Him. Focusing on God opens the door for God to bring us the right one. With God, we can become what He wants us to become. True happiness is found when we focus on God. God is everything we want and need in a person. It’s when we take our eyes off God that we think we are missing out, when in reality, we have everything we need, all wrapped up in Christ.
“That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love.”
(Ephesians 3:17, KJV)
The Israelites rejected God because they wanted a king; even though God was their King, they wanted what they wanted. God gave them what they asked for, but in the end, it was something they regretted.
Single women should develop a strong relationship with God whether or not He has marriage planned for their lives. Just because we’re approaching our thirties, forties or fifties doesn’t mean God has forgotten us. Sarah was almost a hundred years old before she had her son Isaac. God gave her the child she prayed to receive.
“And the Lord visited Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did unto Sarah as he had spoken. For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.”
(Genesis 21:1-2, KJV).
To be ready for marriage, we need to be married to Christ first, so Christ can teach us how to be good wives and mothers, and only then will we find completeness in Him. It’s pointless to think that one day, Prince Charming will ride on his white horse, coming to rescue us from our single years. Learn to enjoy your single years, be a blessing to someone in your church, see the world, and do God’s work. When you least expect it, God may bring a special man into your life. Be happy in your season; God is preparing you for the role of your life, which may include being a wife and mother.
“But godliness with contentment is great gain.”
(I Timothy 6:6, KJV)
“There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.”
(I Corinthians 7:34, KJV)
Ways to enjoy the single years:
- See the world/travel.
- Offer to babysit your nieces or nephews, or, if there’s a widower or single mother in the church, offer to give them a night out and watch their children. It could help you develop patience for when you have kids!
- Serve others. Become a prayer warrior and seek opportunities for God to use your gifts to be a blessing to others through prayer, music ministry, Sunday school, audio/visual, hospitality, and help ministries. Use your gift to be a blessing to others while you wait on God’s best for your life.
- Further your education. If you are not in school or considering going back to school, look at furthering your education or your career. Use your spare time to be busy for Christ and be a blessing in the process.
- Volunteer. One of the best things I’ve ever done was volunteer at a soup kitchen for the holidays, a foster care facility, or a CASA organization. Look for places to volunteer that allows you to spread the good news of Christ and give you a full spirit knowing you are involved in the Great Commission.
- Write your future husband a letter. It may sound silly, but write him letters about your day, victory, and prayer request that were answered. One day, if you get married, you can say, I wrote these letters to you, not knowing if I would ever meet you.
- Begin a hobby. Start a book club in your church, take a cooking or painting class. Enjoy the season you’re in by staying busy.
Things to avoid while single:
- Stay away from romantic media that gives you the impression you’re worthless without a husband or a man.
- Throw out your list. Some women list what they’re looking for in a man; I did. After a while, I knew it was not a good idea, so I tore it up and tossed it in the trash. Throw out your list and tell God, “Whatever you have for me is enough.”
- Limit the amount of time you spend on social media. It’s so easy to covet the lives of others —I have the perfect engagement, or I met this great guy. Social media can breed discontent in the heart of a single woman.
- Never date an unbeliever; he may never come to God, which can cause you to walk away from God. Just because he comes to church now and then doesn’t make him saved, look for godly qualities that tell you he’s a man of God with integrity.
- Don’t settle so you can avoid being alone. Wait on God. He won’t let you down.
- Don’t rush into a romantic relationship; instead, be a friend and a sister in Christ. The best marriages begin with friendship. When I met my husband, I was not interested in him at all, but over time, as we became friends, God built on that, and love developed.
- Stay away from so-called “Christian” dating websites. I’ve heard horror stories about people meeting and marrying someone they thought was Christian, but they were not. Ultimately, they made a terrible mistake and walked away from God.
Being a single woman can be lonely and difficult, but take the time to enjoy your relationship with God. If God has a marriage partner planned for you, everything will move into place. You will look back and think, how foolish was I to think God had forgotten me. It will be worth the wait, and you will understand when you see why God had you wait. So, enjoy this season in your life and take a tip from Rebekah; before Isaac came into her life, she was busy working.
Waiting and Dating: A Sensible Guide to a Fulfilling Love Relationship, Myles Munroe
Holy Intimacy: Dwelling with God in the Secret Place, Lori Wagner
A Woman’s Cry for Love, Joy L. Haney
Strategy for Life for Singles and Young Adults, Word Aflame Publications
Notable Women of Scripture, Ken Gurley